Getting My Twins into Top US and UK Universities: My 5 Foundational Principles of Education

Hello everyone. Today, let's delve into the topic of education.

Before we dive in, let me give you a quick overview of my family. I have a pair of boy-girl twins. They have been enrolled in the international school system their entire lives—starting in Beijing, transferring to Hong Kong SAR, spending some time at an international school in Switzerland due to the pandemic, and finally returning to Hong Kong SAR.

The outcome—at least in a conventional, worldly sense—has been quite positive. One is heading to a top-tier university in the UK, and the other to a top-tier university in the US. We are very happy with the results.

While the outcome looks great, our family's approach to education has always been somewhat unconventional. Back in Beijing, whenever I shared my parenting views with colleagues, they usually found me overly "idealistic" or simply baffling. Some would even sigh and say, "With educational views like yours, and a dad like you, it’s an absolute miracle your kids got into such amazing schools."

Therefore, in this episode, I want to share the basic philosophies that guided our family's educational journey. I have five "foundational principles" (or underlying logic) regarding education that I want to discuss. While specific decisions must always account for reality, these foundational principles are like a couple's core values—they are absolutely essential.

01. Parents Must Respect Each Other

It is crucial for parents to respect one another and share relatively aligned values. If your values clash, educational differences can lead to endless family disputes or even tragedies, which is entirely not worth it.

Fortunately, my wife and I share very similar educational philosophies. But if disagreements do arise, mutual respect is key because a child does not belong solely to the father or the mother. There are no standard answers to many of these parenting problems, so neither side should be overly stubborn. Reaching a consensus is ideal, but if you cannot, at least maintain respect. Never let educational debates tear your family apart.

02. A Child's Life Belongs to the Child

There is no universally "correct" path in this world. There is no absolute success, nor is there absolute failure.

（photo from Pinterst）

Once you internalize this, you stop agonizing over "choosing the right life" for your child. Since there is no standard answer, why not let them explore a direction that belongs entirely to them? Conventional success is not necessarily true success. Happiness, fulfillment, the meaning of life—even at our age, we adults don't have the definitive answers to these questions. What right do we have to define them for our children? Accepting this makes interacting with your kids significantly easier.

03. Children Are Not Pets

After moving to Hong Kong SAR, we adopted a small dog named Cutie. Her status in our household is exceptionally high: my wife ranks first, Cutie ranks second. She even has the audacity to kick me off the sofa. If I cough, nobody cares; if Cutie coughs, the whole family jumps to their feet in panic.

But I want to illustrate a simple truth: children are not dogs. A dog's entire world revolves around us. I will raise her for her entire life and take responsibility for her, flaws and all. However, if I decided to release Cutie back into the "wild" four years from now, she wouldn't survive a single day.

Raising a child operates on the exact same logic. A child is not a pet you can coddle in your arms forever. One day, they must return to the "wild"—society—and survive independently. If you raise a child like a pet, how can you expect them to survive when they eventually enter the real world? Therefore, I absolutely refuse to raise my children as pets; they must develop their own independent lives and survival skills.

04. We Cannot Predict the World Ten Years from Now

Countless historical events prove that we are entirely incapable of predicting what the world will look like a decade from now. Ten years ago, did you predict the AI boom? Did you predict the pandemic?

If you cannot accurately predict housing prices or the stock market a year out, where do you get the confidence to impose your values on your child, confidently telling them, "Studying this major will guarantee a good job in ten years"?

Since we have no idea what the future holds, why do we use our current, limited understanding to forcefully map out our children's paths? I maintain a highly open mindset regarding the future. I do not have the arrogance to assert what is absolutely right, nor will I stubbornly demand that my children follow my script.

05. The Best Education is Living Your Own Life to the Fullest

I exert a great deal of effort to ensure my own life is joyful, exciting, and distinctly unique. I truly believe this is the greatest education I can offer my children.

In all these years, I have never once guilt-tripped my kids with the classic line: "I am doing all of this for you." If we constantly lecture our children, they will simply tune us out; they are far more influenced by their peers and society. Instead, I want to show them what "parents who passionately love life" actually look like.

I often ask children: "Would you rather have a mom who does nothing all day but hover around you to keep you happy, or would you rather have a mom who is incredibly cool, independent, beautiful, and athletic—like an Olympic champion or a pilot?" Every single child chooses the latter.

Since children naturally want their parents to be cool and dynamic individuals, why don't we focus on making our own lives more vibrant? That is arguably the most effective way to educate them.

These are my five foundational principles of education. Once you understand this underlying logic, you might find it much easier to comprehend the various choices we have made in our family’s educational journey. Thank you all.