Confessions of a "Hands-Off" Dad: No Tutors, Just Sports and Joyful Education

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Let's continue our discussion on education by sharing some specific practices from our family.

Before detailing our educational choices, I must state a crucial prerequisite: our family is in a strong financial position and can comfortably afford various educational expenses. Therefore, some of my upcoming viewpoints and practices might seem a bit "out of touch." After all, every family's circumstances are different. If your financial situation is similar to ours, you might find this perspective useful to consider; if not, simply treat it as an interesting story.

When reading about our family's journey, please keep this premise in mind: we essentially faced no financial pressure regarding education. Establishing this upfront might give you a different perspective as you read on.

01. Why Choose International Schools?

If you recall the foundational principles I discussed previously, you will understand why I was 100% committed to international schools. Many parents initially waver between public and international systems, feeling that starting in the public system is a "safer" bet, as they can always switch to an international school later if the child does not adapt. Our family, however, firmly chose the international route from day one.

The reasoning is simple: I do not know which path—public or international—yields the better ultimate outcome, but I am certain that before the results are in, the process of attending an international school is much happier. Most international schools dismiss students by 2:30 PM, with zero academic tutoring afterward. Kids are free to participate in various sports, essentially "free-ranging." Since I cannot guarantee the final outcome, I chose to guarantee a joyful process. As for whether a child will inherently love studying, it is impossible to tell when they are very young. Since we could afford the tuition, why not let the kids be happy? With this straightforward mindset, we enrolled them directly into an international school.

02. Extracurriculars: Strictly Sports

Because school ended early, our kids—whether growing up in mainland China or Hong Kong SAR—never had a private academic tutor or attended a single cram school. The extracurriculars we signed them up for were exclusively sports. They did gymnastics (my daughter went through a phase where she loved doing flips and thought it was incredibly cool), taekwondo, basketball, soccer, and even unpadded rugby. Every afternoon after school, if they weren't playing on their own, they were at sports training.

03. Going "Wild" with Dad on Weekends

To be frank, before the kids turned five, I wasn't the most hands-on father. I relied mainly on their mother and our nanny, and my contribution consisted mostly of giving them a hug when I got home from work. But from age five through to puberty, I was an incredibly active father. My primary job on weekends was taking them out to play.

Because I also love having fun, our summers in Beijing meant driving out to remote grasslands every weekend to camp, eat whole roasted lamb, and build bonfires. The kids were thrilled whenever we made a fire; they would run around gathering firewood, climbing trees, and just being completely "wild." In the winters, we went skiing, and on regular days, we played golf or swam. I went through a phase where I loved running, so they ran with me.

I have a rather unorthodox theory: since young children don't know what they want to do anyway, they should just do whatever I want to do. If I wanted to learn scuba diving, I dragged them along. Sometimes, I even resorted to "bribery." For example, if they said they wanted to learn the piano, I would say, "If you learn the piano, I won't be able to hang out with you, and you won't get to play on my phone. But if you come running with me, I'll give you 30 minutes of screen time." Hearing that, the kids happily tagged along.

Everything I took them to do involved sports—wakesurfing, skiing, snowboarding, you name it. I loved the feeling of the family playing together. Plus, with a restless dad like me, there was no way we were spending our weekends at the library. We treated our son and daughter completely equally. My daughter was just as wild, though surprisingly, it was always my son who came home with minor injuries, like scraped knees from falling off his bike.

04. The "Hands-Off" Approach to Long Vacations

International schools have long and frequent holidays. During these breaks, we most commonly frequented two types of destinations.

The first was Club Med. I have visited nearly every Club Med in Asia. It is an all-inclusive resort model that is an absolute "paradise" for parents. At 8:00 AM, the resort's staff takes the kids away to do archery, jump on trampolines, and go on adventures with other children from all over the world. You don't even need to worry about their meals. In the evening, the kids perform a stage show for the parents. By the end of the day, they are so exhausted from having fun that they fall asleep instantly. The biggest advantage is that the kids have an incredible time, and the parents don't have to lift a finger! I often worked during these vacations; I just moved my office to the beach. This setup allowed me to perfectly balance work and childcare.

Our second go-to was large cruise ships. Many people assume cruises are wildly expensive, but they often offer excellent value. High-quality cruises operate exactly like Club Med: you drop the kids off at the kids' club in the morning, and they spend the day on the ship diving, playing basketball, and attending evening activities.

In short, whenever we went on vacation, I specifically looked for places that did not require parental supervision. Letting them play with kids from around the world and young volunteers is a much higher quality playtime than what we could provide ourselves. Occasionally, we also enrolled them in summer training camps, but again, these were strictly sports camps, like basketball or soccer. I firmly believe that sports cultivate discipline and a fighting spirit in children.

Summary

To summarize our children's trajectory before age 10 (pre-puberty): their regular days consisted of relaxed classes at an international school followed by various sports activities; their weekends were spent going "wild" and doing sports with me; and during long holidays, they were dropped off at all-inclusive resorts, on cruise ships, or at sports camps.

Just like that, we navigated the beautiful pre-puberty years in a highly relaxed, joyful atmosphere.